5 Women’s Beauty Tools Men Do Not Understand. 

Why are women using beauty tools that look like torture devices? Do they work? We’ve contacted some Ballsy Babes to explain exactly WTF women are achieving when men see them using a Game of Thrones-looking weapons on their faces and body. We bring this up because the holidays are coming up. Extra grooming will be happening to prep for a busy party season. We want you to be prepared with all the intel you need to survive witnessing ladies’ personal care. You have enough on your plate having to pretend you like eggnog or yam casserole. 

Three sheet masks with a blue sky background

Sheet Masks and Rubber Masks

After a lifetime of your mother asking, “When am I going to have grandchildren?” you told Mom you finally met Her. BUT, there’s a caveat. Dream Girl is Hannibel Lecter. Rubber and sheet masks are not for men to understand. They are for when your girl  gets off a long flight or worked late. Hint: when you see Hanibelle sitting there with her rubber and/or sheet mask, she’s going to expect your snide remarks. Throw her off. As soon as she removes the mask, exclaim, “You’re glowing!”

You’re welcome. 

Left: A woman smiles during a waxing treatment. Right: Steve Carell grimaces in pain while getting his chest waxed.

Home Waxing Kits

Seeing a woman tearing hair off her body with a green-colored sludge-looking wax is not something you begged for. If you have witnessed this behavior, your girl is using a home waxing kit. It’s best to walk away at this time unless you happen to have numbing cream. Good news: between hipster culture encouraging underarm hair and fancy wax spas, you’re more likely to never witness this gruesome sight. 

A woman with red eyes loks devilish as she uses her Clarisonic facial cleansing brush on her cheek

The Clarisonic

When you hear the whirring sounds of this apparatus, she’s not using her vibrator (this time). She’s using her ‘facial cleansing brush’. We know what you’re thinking, Why not use your hands? The answer, because our Clarisonic gives a “more thorough clean” than human fingers ever could.

Two women with LED light machines attached to their faces as a skin care treatment

LED Lights. 

Now, she’s getting serious. Whenever you see your woman putting a weird-looking glow stick that looks like something a coal miner uses on rescue missions, it’s most likely an LED  light. The jury is still out on whether these contraptions work, but they claim to reduce fine lines and wrinkles. When you see her using one, our advice is to smile, and salute her. 

A woman gets mist on her face as she sits in front of a facial steaming machine

Pro Facial Steamers. 

When you witness a woman taking the initiative to open her pores with an a home steamer, marry her. Sure, you ‘re watching her hinge at the hips making her torso look like a human torpedo. All this, as warm wet air blows on her face. Seems nutty, but it’s all in the name of excellent skin. After she’s done, get in there too and open those man pores!

Runners up! 

Eyelash Curlers

The name is pretty self explanatory. It curls the eyelashes giving the eye a more full and open shape. 

Vintage photo of a young woman getting her eyelashed curled with a metal curling tool

Jade Rollers

Made of solid jade stone typically used after being store cold in a freezer these devices are said to decrease puffiness and under-eye circles, and even minimize the look of fine lines. 

A hand holds five jade stone rollers of assorted colors (green, brown, and white)

So the next time you witness these devices laying around a woman's bathroom don't be alarmed you're totally safe. In fact, now that you know what these devices do, throw her a compliment so she knows the works paying off.